Friday, November 7, 2014

Now... Where did I put my Genie?

It’s only been a week or so into this process and I just want to wiggle my nose, cross my arms and blink twice. *POOF* I have a baby growing in my tummy.

Today my saline sonogram showed that I had a 11mm polyp in my uterine lining. A saline sonogram is where a saline solution (salt solution) is inserted via catheter into the uterus through the cervix. The catheter is removed, then the ultrasound portion begins (I’ll spare you the details). The polyp will need to be removed as it will disrupt any successful embryos from attaching to the uterine wall. It’s enough of a surgical procedure to put me under. 
After taking the weekend to push the 'reset' button I'm realizing that it’s not a huge issue but it will set us back at least 1 or 2 cycles from being able to start the medications. This even sets back the 2nd follow up appointment before we meet back with the doctor to go over the next steps. It’s discouraging, but this will force me to stop and slow down. We’re not in a race. (Even though I feel like everyone has already crossed the finished line except me). Something I know to be true, is that its ok to be upset. Have a sad moment, but then, pick up and move onto that next phase. I'm going to need all the energy and strength to get through this. During the weekend I kept thinking as I was switching my summer wardrobe to the winter clothes, "I hope I'm wearing maternity close next summer." Hey genie - is it April yet?

So my next step is meeting with an ‘outside’ OB next week to go over what the sonogram showed, and try to time out and schedule this procedure (I’m learning everything is ‘cycle’ based. I’ll be living off a cycle based calendar-Joy!) Oh – and did I mention yet another blood test? This time I’m getting a full thyroid panel, I'm thinking that my dosage will need to changed. My arm has had a bruise all week.

Recently I have been immersing myself in every and all information about infertility, the processes, IUI's, IVF's, happy and sad endings. I've been reading other blogs, and it has terrified me. Its hard to tell whether or not I should be reading these things, its like the doctors always say "don't diagnose yourself via the Internet." (FYI not everything you read on the Internet is true - - Can you sense my sarcasm?). I want to be informed, but also want to remain naive. Staying naive will help me keep the hope that it wont take long to be successful at this. From reading other blogs I've picked up a few good books to start on. Recommendations are listed on your right.

I am still very much excited and hopeful because I have had a lot of random (like, really random!) occurrences where I've met women who have had fertility issues and having PCOS and they have all had babies, or are pregnant. I see these a Gods little signs to me, "I see you, I'm watching you and I am with you." In a world where its so easy to get knocked down, having faith can really pull you through. When I read about what other women have gone through, and some of the medical processes that I am probably going to face its going to be a long emotional road - the marathon that I mentioned earlier. You ask, is it really worth putting your body through all of this, the injections, the hormones, pills, tests? For me, the answer is yes.  I don't think I can ever 'get over' not being able to have a baby unless I try my trying. To know that I have exhausted all options, is when I can start to morn that part of my life, pick myself up and lean on my support, my husband. (A possibly get another dog.)

I'm learning to "let go and let God." This will all play out to His timing. And I have complete Faith.

Some of you may have read my blog earlier. I went off on a tangent so I've edited all of that out and will say only this: To the negative Nancy's, I wont give you any of my energy. Even this sentence is to much for you.

For now, this is it. Seth will do his part and have blood drawn for the genetics test and will take 3 weeks for the results to come back. In addition to having my procedure I'll be meeting with my endocrinologist Dec 1st. Since we have to wait for the blood results to come back I imagine we'll have our follow up apt with the fertility doc in early-mid Dec. Prayers and positivity are always welcome.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11.